Pioneer

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I abandoned all gods.
I could not afford the sacrifice.
I abnegated all thorny “shoulds” and took detours when faced with crosses.
Let me be free, but not so free
That I become entirely unbound and unmoored,
Untethered from all familiar archetypes,
Lost on a blank page, no line to build upon.
For there I have no peg on which to rest my cloak.
No story in which to find a home.
I can not seem to surrender to
A thought system forged by humans.
There is always error there.
I can not relax.
I am always looking for the faults in the theories, the cracks in logic
I know I will slip through and
Fall into pain.
Must I design the architecture of my beliefs from my own imagination?
From air?
From atoms?

From scratch?

Or

Is my comfort to be a patchwork reality?
Hand sewn fragments of dismembered theories, an unnatural religion?
A Frankenstein?

Can peace be found in mismatched pieces?
What I inherited I do not want.
What I learned I can not trust.
What I saw I can not understand.
I wander, my mind disjointed;

Blind men touching the elephant of consciousness.

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